


Laid Bare

by ioanite



Category: Hornblower RPF
Genre: Gen, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 20:03:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1197726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ioanite/pseuds/ioanite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Behind the scenes of one of the more infamous scenes in Hornblower canon...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Laid Bare

“You heading up on set?” Paul McGann asked as Jamie Bamber came out of makeup, trying to muss up his blond hair to make himself look more appealing.

“Why wouldn’t I? We’re shooting in half-an-hour, once the makeup crews have had their way with Ioan.”

“You’ve got a filthy way with words, Bamber,” McGann said with a grin, “Anyway, just thought I’d warn you…our star’s a bit…temperamental today.”

 “Ioan, having a hissy fit?” Jamie couldn’t imagine it. McGann laughed. “Actually, I just meant that he’s acting stranger than usual.”

“In what way?” Jamie said warily. He’d heard stories of what went on when Ioan had had just a little too much to drink, and considering what scene they were doing, this could be trouble.

“Hard to explain. He got off the phone five minutes ago and has sort of been…walking on air since then.”

“Ah,” Jamie knew what had happened almost immediately, “Don’t worry, if he’s in a good mood, that will make this scene go a lot faster.”

Mounting the stairs to the set, he saw Ioan leaning against the side of the ‘ship’, wearing nothing but a bathrobe, smirking very contentedly. Jamie arched an eyebrow and leaned against a nearby barrel. “Alice?”

Ioan nodded. “Alice.”

 “What did you do, describe in detail how naked you were about to get?”

Ioan’s grin got wider. “She just broke up with her boyfriend.”

“She dumped the son of a famous artist so she can get together with _you?_ She’s crazier than I thought.”

Ioan opened his eyes and gave Jamie a playful swat. “For your information, she called to tell me this as a friend. I haven’t told her I’ve got a massive crush on her.”

 “I think she knows, mate. You’re not exactly one for subtlety.”

Ioan grinned, a flush in his cheek. “I’m afraid you’re right. Maybe once she’s gotten over the breakup, I can just come right out and say it. I didn’t want to at the time, because I thought it was serious.”

“Ioan, we’re friends, and you’re lovely. But sometimes, you are a moron.”

“What did I do _now?_ ”

“Did she say _why_ she was breaking up with this guy?”

 “He was too slow in proposing to her.”

“Or maybe she found someone who she was more compatible with.” Jamie looked at Ioan pointedly. Ioan shook his head. “Me? You must be joking.”

“Oh, stop being so modest. You wait and see, I think this is going to work out in your favor.”

Ioan shrugged. “We’ll see.” Jamie smirked and changed the subject. “Ready to disrobe?”

“I’m about to go in for makeup. I can’t say I’m thrilled; I heard horror stories from Kate Winslet about full-body makeup.”

“What do _you_ have to worry about? You’re in excellent shape! If I was playing Hornblower, I would refuse to do this scene! I don’t need fans criticizing my arse!”

Ioan glanced down at Jamie’s nether regions. “Speaking as a straight male, Jamie, I think it looks fine.”

“Are you joking? It’s too big! These tight breeches don’t help, either.”

“Jamie, do you have any idea how girly you sound right now? Any second now you’re going to complain your hair has split ends and that you need a manicure.”

“If I wasn’t afraid that your robe would tear away, I’d hit you for that,” Jamie said with affection, “We don’t need to get the ladies any more excited than necessary.”

“Quite right,” Ioan agreed, glancing over to where a group of female makeup artists were clustered around, giggling, “I don’t know if I want to put myself in their hands.”

“They’re professionals, Ioan. They’ll laugh about it over drinks, but not when they’re working on you. Go on, get over there and disrobe for them.”

“All this fuss just so fans can get a five-second glimpse of my nether regions.” Ioan shook his head, “What must it like being a fan?”

 “Who knows, mate?” Jamie smiled, “Maybe someday we’ll have the chance to ask them first hand.”

“Maybe,” Ioan said, moving off, “But how many ladies could be _that_ interested in us?”


End file.
